Couple’s Valentine’s Day Spent Making Apartment Look Like Freaky Sex Fest in Effort to Appease Single, Absent Roommate

Chicago IL – Underwear lain about, mysterious stains and lies. The scene of couple Zach Richards and Jen Suarez’s apartment manufactured by the couple to make their roommate Christine, feel justified about leaving them alone in the apartment that night.

“Every year, she just seems so happy with herself,” Zach remarked. “She always gets this air about her, like the quiet satisfaction of someone who just sponsored a child in Africa.” Not wanting to make their roommate feel foolish for her annual grand gesture, the couple was left with no choice but to transform their humble abode into a deranged filth prison.

Whips and chains taken out of storage, condoms filled with Elmer’s glue, chocolate covered strawberries smeared on the walls, the couple pulled out all the stops to make their apartment look like the hedonistic fantasy of a 13 year old with WiFi. “By the time we were done staging the place we were far too tired to actually have sex,” admitted Jen, who spent most of her night trying to give herself handcuff burns, “I’m not even into that kind of stuff, but it’s important to Christine.”

“And it’s so cute, seeing the excitement on her face, watching her run around inspecting the apartment, her little eyes so wide,” Jen gushed, describing their roommates reaction to the apartment turned kinky wonderland. “It’s exhausting, but who knows how many years we have left with Christine still believing, we can’t ruin that for her, not yet,” Jen said, the bags under her eyes heavy with fulfillment. “Only 365 days until we do this all again next year!” exclaimed Zach.