San Jose, CA – What started as a fun night of role play for George O’Neil ended in catastrophe as the 42-year-old voluntarily sold his own left kidney during a severe episode of identity crisis.
Last Friday night, George had been pretending to be Maurice St. Clair, a fictional French rugby player/poet/impulsive shopaholic/professor of love, for a night of intense marital passion with his wife Lauren. While genuinely believing he was in fact Mr. St Clair, he made the decision to sell his left kidney, forgetting that the kidney was still his own.
“You hear about Daniel Day-Lewis staying in character for his roles and I wanted to be just as dedicated,” the project manager explained from his hospital bed. “I didn’t just become Maurice, I was Maurice. My-no, his first thought was ‘this fool left a whole extra kidney here. What a schmuck,’ ” at which point ‘Maurice’ went on Craigslist to find a buyer for the kidney. Hours later, O’Neil found himself completely naked in an ice-filled bathtub belonging to a total stranger. Jarred back into self-awareness, O’Neil immediately realized his mistake. “It was a big facepalm moment for me,” O’Neil recalls. “As soon as I made the connection I was like ooooooh! And then another oooooh because amateur surgery is super painful,” he said.
The pain was far from over, though, as the O’Neils’ later learned that the $5,000 ‘Maurice St. Clair’ secured in exchange for George’s kidney had already been spent on a limited edition copy of Pablo Neruda’s Alturas de Macchu Picchu, an autographed Fabien Pelous rugby jersey and an assortment of expensive specialty soaps.
O’Neil plans to take legal action against his alter ego. We sat down with O’Neils’ Attorney, Larry Black. “He has a strong case,” Black started. But moments later his eyes suddenly glazed over. “The American swine will suffer!” he erupted, twisting a newly affixed mustache and referring to himself as Lawrence Blanchard. The case is set go to court, which will be a substantial strain on O’Neil’s bank account, and an even larger strain on his theatrical ability.