After a real shitfuck day ending with a painful traffic-riddled commute to Chicago’s O’hare International Airport, local woman, Vanessa Bauer, was smugly asked to consolidate her three carry on bags before entering the airport security line.
Local AA employee and sadist, Angela K. noticed that a woman was trying to get in line with not only two FAA regulated carry on bags, but also a small crossbody-style purse.
“Ma’am! You can’t get into this line with three bags, you need to consolidate them right now,” demanded the silk-scarf-clad monster.
Not wanting to expose her most intimate personal belongings to random airport passers by, and wishing to avoid enduring the futility of placing her purse into a larger bag to then, almost immediately, remove said purse from larger bag to access her ID and boarding pass, Vanessa attempted to reason with the employee.
“Can’t I consolidate these after I get through security?” Vanessa inquired.
“No, you need to step aside and do it now,” barked the voice of a woman who had conceivably never experienced joy in her life.
Vanessa’s spine withered as she crouched down to the floor while several others hurried past her with uncontrolled glee. She poised herself to submit to the terrible will of this pencil skirt- wearing creature who subsists purely on a diet of others’ humiliation.
As Vanessa’s fingers fumbled for the zipper of her roller bag, she paused pensively. Then she rose defiantly. “Ma’am, how about I consolidate my third carry on by shoving it up my ass?” She proposed, at once, regaining her dignity and sense of self.
Vanessa reveled in the the power trip she received from watching the candlelight gleam be snuffed from this stiletto-wearing gatekeeper’s eyes. She reported that her newfound sense of superiority lasted throughout the TSA rectal exam and the entire way through the boarding process.