White Plains, NY
For one local Peloton bike, this Christmas is going to be the best one yet. Peloton lot number P11072019 discovered that she was going to be receiving a 120-pound human woman this year from her husband, Peloton lot number P06152019.
“I can’t believe P06152019 is actually giving me a human woman this year! Finally someone who will wake up every morning at 5 am to religiously and obsessively worship me like I am the only thing that matters to her in the entire world,” Peloton P11072019 gushed.
“Sure, P06152019 and I have a good relationship,” offered P11072019. “He spends most of his time in the living room and I’ve spent all of my time here in wrapped up in the closet. It’s just that sometimes I can’t help but feel like I’m missing completely unconditional and unquestioned devotion in my life. I think having a human woman who absolutely needs me, everyday, in order to build her self worth and feel like she deserves love and respect from those closest to her, I think that’s going to give me a real sense of satisfaction that I’ve never had before.”