SWEET! Georgia Hairdressers Getting Six-Foot Edward Scissor Hands to Ensure Social Distancing During Haircuts

Guess what fuckerrzz?!

Georgia Governor, Brian Kemp, said on Monday that the fu-zuck-ingg state is about to open back up! Places like gyms, bowling alleys, tattoo parlors  (fukk yeah) and most essential of all, hair salons and barbers will be opening as soon as this Friday, April 24. What?! YEAH! Elbow bump!

Critics, doctors, and other totally annoying science-people think this is a bad idea.

Well you know what, science assholes? My hair looks stupid.

Besides, my boy, President Trump promised on the TV that all these businesses will maintain social distancing!

Which is why my neighborhood Sport Clips is attaching giant 6-foot-Edward Scissor-Hand-Blades to all of their employees hands’ during their shifts. Do I know how the hairdressers feel about this? No. Have I ever considered anyone else’s well being or happiness. Nope!

But I cannot even tell you how fuggin pumped I am to go get a sick new fade and a head massage from a babe with 6-foot machete hands while watching old sport highlight reels!!!

There is literally nothing that could ever or will ever go wrong. ME AND ALL MY FRIENDS AND MY ELDERLY GRANDPARENTS ARE ALL GOING TO LIVE FOREVER!



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