“The other night he was half-a-breast deep, when he puked all over himself, then went right back to drinking more. An hour later he pissed himself. Frankly, we are embarrassed for him.”
“Everyone keeps coming up to me and asking me if “I’m okay” after watching a 70-year-old man overdose on bacon. I’m fine, stop asking.”
“You hear about Daniel Day-Lewis staying in character for his roles and I wanted to be just as dedicated,” the project manager explained from his hospital bed. “I didn’t just become Maurice, I was Maurice. My-no, his first thought was ‘this fool left a whole extra kidney here. What a schmuck,’ ” at which point ‘Maurice’ went on Craigslist to find a buyer for the kidney.
“Not wanting to make their roommate feel foolish for her annual grand gesture, the couple was left with no choice but to transform their humble abode into deranged filth prison.”
In an incredible win for gender equality, six of the 12 babies born last night at Advocate […]
SCRANTON, Pa. — Lynn Caulfield, local mother of two, sent shock waves through the neighborhood this week […]